Category: Parent Talk
Hello. What were you told when you asked your mom/dad: Where do babies come from? What do you think you'd tell your child? When I was 7 my mother said babies come from a seed. um, hmmm
I'd tell them the truth. Why would I lie to my child?
I never asked this question, at least I don't remember asking it. I think I looked it up one day.
I don't remember being curious about this either. My mom had "the talk" with me when I was in the 3rd grade though. I have no idea what prompted her to do so but it all worked out.
As for my son who's 9, we've always been frank with him, not giving him too much information but answering his questions honestly and accurately. He knows that men and women put their privates together to make a baby but he doesn't know anything about spirm and eggs. He knows the propper terms for testicles, penis, vagina, rectum, etc. We've not brought up the subject but when he asked about how babies get in their mommy's tummy, we told him.
I just about died last year when he came home from the 2nd grade informing me that his buddy's mom told his buddy that babies were born out of their mom's butts. EEWW! It was very hard keeping a straight face while debunking that little factoid but time well spent, IMHO.
I'm far more nervous about the puberty talk. Good thing that his dad will take care of that because I don't have a clue what to tell him as I was never a pubescent boy. lol When his pediatrician did his check-up this year, she looked under his armpits for freckling and/or hair. Oh my! I'm not ready for that. lol
So, for all you guys around here, how exactly does that work, the whole boy puberty talk thing?
What info were you given and what do you wish you had or hadn't been told.
while I never asked this question, I, like others here, would tell my child the truth. why is this even a question, though? shrugs.
Because unlike you, there have been children who've asked this "question."
I think she meant why is it a question what we would tell our kids.
You know my mom actually didn't want to have the talk with me, I had to experience a lot of that stuff on my own... without the talk and through research and education.
And why couldn't it be a question?
Because you shouldn't lie to your kids. So there should be no question about what you'd tell them.
To poster 7: I also never really had the talk with a parent and I learned most of it through school and on my own. I wish I had it with someone I knew better for sure, and I will make sure to be honest and tell my kids (if I decide to have any) nothing but the truth.
yes, I meant why is there a question of what kids would be told. it's simple, the truth.
oh, and I, like others, wondered where babies came from. however, I had to learn on my own.
The truth of course is dependent on the age the child is. I have for example known 3 and 4-year olds who ask these types of questions. You are not going to sit down and explain to them about the whole sex act; you give them a simplified answer and again "age approrpiate answers" here.
It's not lying; it's exposing kids to topics at the right age.
I can agree with rdfreak on this. sure, as they get older than try to explain the truth, but why would you tell a four year old something like that?
Great poing to the penultimate poster :)
Why not tel them? This in no way hastens their introduction to sex, nor does it overexpose them to the act itself as long as it's done with some forethought and in the right context. I'll tell my kid the basic truth when he asks. I'll formulate my statement in such a way that he won't be overexposed to the idea of sex but so that he's informed on a basic level. Why not? I say. If you dont' teach yrou kids about sex, you're subconsciously instilling the idea that sex is something that they should be ashamed of. Here's where the idea that sex is taboo comes from: From parents who make it seem that way.
I'm not saying fuck in front of your kids and give them a show, but why not tell a kid that a mommy and a daddy have different private parts and when they fit together, they can create a baby. You can also emphasize that it happens between grown ups and you can clear up any questions the kid might come up with with equally thought-out responses.
Bernadetta is exactly right.
Sure, you should be considerate of your child's age. But is telling them that an ugly bird dropped them off being considerate of their age? That is lying to your kids. Telling them that mommy's and daddy's can get together to make babies is not lying, its cleaning up the description of sex. There is a world of difference there.
Right of Way, That's exactly what I said, I said you're not going to go into the details, but simplify it if you have too.
Seriously are you guys reading my posts at all? lol
Poor Bernadetta, that username of yours is going to get butchered with each new user who logs in and can't see the way it's written in Braille or by looking at it. Guess the voice says Write Away about the same as it says Right of Way. Perhaps you do have the right of way, in which case I'll push over now and let you through.
Sorry for hijacking this thread, I just saw humor in this but maybe I haven't had enough green tea yet.
Nah, It's pretty funny leo. lol
I never had to ask.
1. We had dogs and cats in the neighborhood, and we'd visit my uncles ranch, so by watching animals mate, and later have babies that told me something.
2. Now, aunts, mom's friends, uncle's girlfriends and wives would come over. They'd be pregnant, and have frank conversations about it. Soon they've come over with the results of these conversations.
3. Okay, we had older girls in the neighborhood that were sexually active, and sex was something talked about. Even in grade school I was given permission by my parents to be told by a teacher. I don't think I've been a technical vergin sense age 7. I some how knew the how and that it could lead to babies, but not how to prevent them. I can even remember my first sexual encounter with this girl about my age that lived behind us. I wouldn't call it actual sex, but we did the best we could.
4. At age 13, or so you can check out books from the library for the blind that discuss sex, so I checked them all out. They came to the house in braille, but I'm sure my parents could read the printed titles, but never restricted me, so that is how I learned the rest of it.
Because I was never restricted from sex, and sex talk, I feel children will do just fine if they are introduced to it naturally as a matter of life. These women would always talk about girls and women that got pregnant and how some of the men stuck around and others didn't, and I could see the results of this right in the neighborhood.
We even had gay men, and that was talked about frankly as well. I am sure we had gay women, but that wasn't so much up front, and I think that is because lesbians aren't so flamboyant about it like guys are. Our guys made it plain.
I forgot to say. As boys, we'd put the dogs together sometimes purposely. Lol The only thing I can remember about a parents reaction to it was to tell us to let the dogs alone and stop being nasty. Lol
You know, Wayne, your last post reminded me of something. When the daughter was little we were at the zoo, and a couple monkeys were doing the wild thing, and one of the moms got all girlish and upset, wanting to know why the zookeepers couldn't make the monkeys wait until after hours. I admit, I went along with all the modern sexual safety trends to prevent unwanted exposure to sex, it was supposed to be abuse especially fo rgirls, but now these days I have been left to wonder, more questions than answers I guess. I mean, presumably for most of human history, humans have been having sex in very close quarters in places most of us, including the so-called open-minded, would not have the courage for. So one of two things happened: either most of humanity turned out sexually damaged as we were taught an over-exposure (meaning almost any exposure) to sex would bring, or all this talk of sexual exposure equals sexually damaged might well be a load of horseshit. That's a pretty strong and arrogant claim against most of humanity's history, to claim damages by exposure. I don't know anymore, is my answer.
I honestly think that Zoos do try to prevent that Leo. In this case the Zoo was at fault, no matter how we feel about it. They know when the animals are in heat, and I believe they close them off during these times.
I wondeer if Zoo's are under any legal obligation to do so?
Ok, you can't tell an animal straight forward that it can't have sex right now, it can't take a dump right now, etc. Animals have a wild streak in them and unless they are trained to control their behaviors (if they can be) nothing can be done about it. They don't know better.
No, they don't. However, you know when they are in heat, and sex is the issue.
I'm a liberal person, but at the Zoo, I feel a parent should have some assurness that they or the kids they have brought won't be exposed to animals mating.
Some adults have a difficult time with it, and if the animals they own must be mated send them some place, or keep them from mating at all.
Ofcourrse they can walk away quickly, but how do you grab a couple kids and rush them off before they see? Lol
Yeah, I guess they should just keep the males and females separate if it is a big problem.
I personally think it's perfectly fine to have animals mate at teh zoo. What better way to introduce a child to nature itself. We can watch animals eat, we can watch them play, even do stupid tricks for our amusement...But we cant' watch them mate? I think it's outrageous that someone would get bent out of shape because of it.
I agree with Write Away. It's a great way to introduce the concept of mating. It's natural, after all.
I agree with Bernadetta, as well.
It is also natural for humans to mate, but.... Smile.
Because Zoo's are run on the publics attendance, it is as Runner has said, and easy fix not to ruffle anyones feelings.
Sex in any form does this, so a Zoo probably should take steps so it doesn't happen.
As open on sex as my childhood was, adults never discussed the mechanics of sex.
I never learned how sex felt, or what emotions it caused between couples from listening and watching.
I guess because it was never restricted technically, I learned by observing, reading, and doing.
The doing part, of course, was restricted, and if caught I understood I’d get in trouble. I learned that through observing.
Even as an adult I could not bring my girlfriend home and sleep with her in the same room. We had to be a married couple.
I tested it once on holiday by bringing a girl home, and my dad the next morning informed me that it wasn’t right to have my mother have to deal with that, and that I should sleep some place else.
The only other thing I wish I had was access to birth control, or condoms. I am lucky I don’t have any accidental kids, but it could have happened to me. Soon as condoms were available to me I kept them and also made them available to anyone that wanted some.
Hmm, so much of what we get out of this is, we need to control sexual exposure not so much for the kids, but to protect the sensibilities of some adults, mainly some adult women. Interesting way to seek equality. I don't want, for example, for people to attempt to protect some sensibility of me as an adult blind person, under the guise of protecting children, precisely because I do want to compete on a level playing field with everyone else. By contrast, their little feelings and sensibilities get butt-hurt and upset because they saw a couple monkeys or wolves mating, while you or I deal with a jackhammer and a cement mixer at a construction site which we must circumnavigate. And who, pray tell, is doing the squawking? I'd say it's really difficult for me to take the butt-hurt and upset very seriously at all when I manage said construction sites, inaccessible applications, documents I can't read, and any number of other things, with an iron will and a shut trap. I don't know how people like that would ever possibly hope that someone like us would be able to take them at all seriously. I had this same conversation with a mom who was cranky and upset because her child had to learn about evolutionary theory. I told her come back to me when her child can't read the materials, needs to make their own way and make their own accomodations, and the like, and when she can help them manage it all without whining and by innovation rather than carrying on like a teenager. I think it's fair that society would expect us to make it or die, as it were. But the same goes for the easily-butt-hurt. Too bad: just because it's a belief system and not a disability, doesn't entitle them any. And speaking from the other side, they'd be much happier if they bucked up sone, and maybe innovated a little bit, than this sad case of underage whining by people who should've given up whining decades ago.
Then again, you young people, raised during two wars and an economic recession, probably even find the discussion of said whining rather pointless.
Thank you leo.
No, sorry wayne, I disagree with you. I say, if people can be man, or animal enough to have sex, whichever you please, they should be man or animal enough to talk about it. Furthermore, and perhaps more importantly, they should be able and willing to talk about it with their children. After all, how did these children come about?
Unless you're the virgin mary, (who, I might add, I dont' think was a virgin at all), you must have laid down, ro sat down, or bent over and had sex if you have a kid that is biologically yours.
I'm so tired of people who are perfectly able and willing to have sex be squeamish about talking about it. Come on, unless you're a social outcast or a dimwit, you've had sex if your an adult. Hell, you've probably had sex as a teenager. What the fuck is the big deal already. I understand that some people might have their boundaries about who they'll sleep with, as I do, and under what circumstances they will sleep with them. But you all have sex, I have sex, our parents had sex, the next door neighbors had sex.... It's, sex.
So instead of boo hooing that your kid just saw two monkeys fuck, sit their little asses down and tell them about what happens between adult males and females, whether they are humans or other species. A kid has a right to know where he or she originated. And a kid has a right to the truth.
I don't think that being sexually open as a community, but not talking about it makes any sense or does anyone any good. so what if a kid sees things and experiences things sexually if he or she is prohibited from mentioning it to mom or dad or making it noticeable. That's not progressive, people, that's ignorant. Verbal communication is the key here.
As I say, I am as liberal as it comes, however, I don't want some parent taking a kid to the zoo and having a fit over the animals having sex, and because of that telling the kids their screwed up feelings on it.
Let the zoo be as positive as possible.
I suppose the zoo's could post a sign "might be exposed to animal mating." Lol
I really don't want the zoo restricted because people decide they need to place boundries on it, so think the zoo is better served serving the public without upsetting them.
We already have groups trying to get rid of zoos anyway, and I think they are important.
pushing a zoo to restrain its animals from mating is actually restricting it, wayne. More importantly, its restricting the animals. It's causing them to further stray from their intended environment, and for what? Just because a bunch of mushy-mouthed parents wil have their panties up in a bunch because of an animal doing what comes natural to them?
Come on wayne. we allow dogs and cats and other animals to shit in public, we allow horses and these precious zoo animals to do the same--Yet we cant' allow them to mate? How's that fair to the animal? He or she doesn't understand teh messed up politics of mankind.
I think the more a kid can take from a trip to the zoo, the better.
Now, what do you say if you happen to have a pair of cats or a pair of dogs at home, and whether male or female, they start humping each other. Now, that's entirely possible--I know because I've had more than one dog at a time--they do it even if they've been nutered. What do you tell yrou kid then. Do you separate the dogs at teh first sign of some hanky panky? or do you teach the kid that this is what happens.
You see dogs do even more disgraceful things such as eating each other's shit...Are you going to punish your dogs for doing that because they've exposed yoru kid to something undesireable?
I totally agree with you. A great solution too many zoo financial problems, due to customer drop off would be to set up the Homo sapiens exhibit.
This would teach children, and adults, much about human behavior.
We could train our Homo sapiens to show life, and relationship aspect in a positive manner.
Our exhibit could be setup to reflect the most natural settings for our Homo sapiens , teaching visitor’s human evolution.
Not only will this generate capital for the Zoo that sponsors this type of exhibit, it would also generate much needed tax revenues for the city hosting the Zoo.
What do you think?
I think some people belong in the zoo cages much more so than the animals that currently occupy them.
Seeing a couple of dogs mating at a friend's house actually gave us a natural opportunity to introduce that topic to our son. I think he was 6 or 7 at the time. It was much better than sitting him down for a talk about the birds and the bees for no apparent reason.
my point exactly.
Just to throw a few more cents into this argument. Most of the time people would not have a clue when animals are mating. Not all animals hump each other when mating. Hell, when dogs do it they aren't even trying to mate. Your dog is not trying to mate with your leg. Its actually most likely scratching its balls on your leg. Hey, those things itch sometimes.
Most of the time you wouldn't have a clue if animals are mating anyway, so calm the hell down. Your kid is not going to worship the devil and climb a clocktower with a rifle just because you took him to the zoo when he was four and he saw a couple bats butt fucking. He probably won't even notice it unless you make a big deal out of it. If you do see it, just tell your kid, "Hey billy, look at the cute monkeys, and look over here, there's tigers. Aren't the tigers cool?"
Ah, but we're not talking about the rational. If we were we'd not be talking about it. Smile.
Because kids are offten taken to the zoo, by pre school teachers, churches, babysitters, that are not as educated as we'd like, and other factors, is seems to me a simple matter just for zoo's to serve the public rational or not.
So we let one go for the reason of not starting a fight that really isn't worth it. When that kid is home, and if you aren't one that gets crazy too, your child will still learn. I did.
I thought about something that I’ve totally mist in my postings.
It might be that you here are posting from the point of view of a blind person, and if you are blind from birth will have no concept of the visual.
Because of that you can’t understand the objectionable aspects of it for many people, and let’s face it, most people aren’t open minded on this subject.
It was posted that animals don’t always hump each other, and that if not pointed out they were mating, kids might not know.
The animals in question, and that is most of them at the zoo, do hump, but it isn’t as simple as that.
It can get pretty involved, and intense and is extremely noticeable.
Sure, a kid who has not been exposed will not be able to put it together without an explanation, but that explaining might be difficult for the adult. It most likely brings out feelings of embarrassment, because it can be more involved than the adults that object have and would allow in their personal lives. It might even cause some, or many to become aroused. That opens up a different issue altogether.
If I couldn’t see the mating I can understand how it not be such a big deal. When I added the visual to it, I can understand how sometimes it gets much like watching a good X rated movie, and that is where the problem lies.
Because this subject brings out such emotion, and is probably why this topic was posted, is why I have the opinion zoos are better served without it.
I doubt this has anything to do with being totally blind from birth or not. While it is true that I personally am blind from birth, I am confident I'd have the same outlook on it had I been sighted. The adults' embarrassment is something a parent, in my oppinion, should be able to overcome. People get embarrassed about a lot of things; Does that mean we should stop educating our kids on account of that?
My point is that parents should be open minded, and if people propose the convenience of us humans at the expense of the natural habits of animals, we don't promote open-mindedness.
People are comfortable drinking around their kids if they drink, some even feel ok with smoking pot around their kid, arguing with spouses around their kid, swearing around their kid, and the list goes on. And so the excuse is invalid in my eyes.
My parents were separated since I was very young. Both of them assumed the other one would talk to me about sex, reproduction, and puberty and it turns out none of them did. I don't understand why a parent would assume that the other parent would take the responsibility, rather than go on and explain something like that to their child. Maybe it was embarrassment, maybe it was laziness. I don't know.
Did I really read that correctly? People getting aroused by seeing animals mate? EEWW! Oh well, it takes all kinds to make the world go round, I guess. lol
Yeah, wayne, I don't knwo where you come from , but where I come from, I dont' think people equate seeing two monkeys moate to good porn. I can see where your coming from in a way, but at teh same time, i highly doubt that a person gets aroused by watching two animals fuck. Simply because it wouldn't be considered appealing or sexy unless you might be the type ot venture in to bestiality. Show me good scientific evidence that your right and I'll stand corrected. Otherwise, I guess I'll asume that some people just have an inner desire for animals of a different species, and I guess I'll be left to asume that you belong to that group of people because your the one bringing this into perspective.
Bestiality is not unheard of, certainly people have feddishes about animals and the like, but I doubt anyone is just going to get a hard on from watching one monkey butt fuck the other without any other indication previously that they possess such a feddish.
Plus, people get aroused by watching kids play on playgrounds. Should we illiminate recess? I don't think so.
I don’t know, but I think I’m right, due to the responses to what I posted.
I’m also not speaking of people getting aroused due to it being animals having sex, I’m speaking of people getting aroused, because it is intense sex, and might make them either want that sort of thing, or wonder about it, or remember when that sort of thing was happening to them.
When you can see why you are smelling a scent, or what is causing an animal to make that noise it is making it is different.
Some of it is objectionable to them as well, such as 2 male monkeys together.
I think I understand that you aren’t aware that the mating sometimes is not just simple mating, because your parent, or whoever explains it to you has not explained it completely.
If this was the correct board I’d explain so that you understood a bit more why I feel that it causes some people issues.
You are correct that people do all sorts of things around their kids, but sex, as far as I know, isn’t one of them.
You don’t have sex with your mate on the couch when your 6 year old is present. You aren’t likely to undress your mate and do things to him or her while your child is present either.
The animals don’t care who is present, and from time to time will do things that simply aren’t what some folks want to see, and probably can’t explain either to a child, because they aren’t comfortable with it themselves.
For the record, I don’t get aroused watching animals mate. X rated movies don’t even do it for me unless I’ve got someone with me to make it possible.
This one I'll rest on.
I'm sorry, that's just idiotic. We're going to restrict zoos just because some tight wad can't handle the fact that they might see two monkeys bumping uglies? If that is the depths to which we've sunk, I give up.
Read my last post again.
I stand by what I said. People should simply not make a big deal out of it. The kid won't even care.